Then, after I implement all those wonderful ideas, it seems like, YES! Finally! My brain can take a break! Come up for air! Take a shower! Feed my kids something other than frozen pizza! Remember what my husband looks like!

NO! Brain shouts, and slaps me around a little for being so naïve. (It’s quite violent, my brain)You may not stop! You must go and write down this whole new idea I have given you! And the vicious cycle begins again. Which would explain why I’m writing this on Thursday, and not Monday as usual. The New Story Monster has taken over my brain, and no matter how hard I try, he won’t let me escape from his blood-thirsty jaws.

The craziest thing about it?

I LIKE IT!

This is my favorite part of the writing process. The part where you can’t remember whether or not you fed the dog because all you can think about are the characters in your head. The part where you wake up at four in the morning, grab the notebook off your nightstand, scribble down something completely illegible, and roll around for an hour trying to go back to sleep. It’s insane and exhausting, but I love it. It’s how I know I’ve got something worth writing about.

So…that’s where I’ve been this week. Now that you all know exactly how crazy I am, (please hold off on sending me to the asylum until AFTER I finish my rough draft, please) onto my weekly business of sharing way too much personal info with all of you.

My progress last week: -2 pounds (as of Monday)

My total progress: -11 pounds

Woohoo! I’ve passed the halfway mark! 11 pounds in 6 weeks…I am filing this under, “Hey, not bad.” I’ve also decided that I hate weighing in on Mondays, so gonna get CrAzY and switch it to Friday. That way I can eat in peace over the weekend and still have five days to work it off.

And now? MORE COFFEE! The New Story Monster woke me up at 4 am (not to be confused with the other two monsters that live with me and were birthed of my loins).

My progress so far: -9

HUZZAH! Finally, a little movement in the right direction!

The biggest difference this week was exercise. Not only did I workout five times this week, but I really focused on strength training. So many women think that they don’t need to gain muscle, or that they shouldn’t. This couldn’t be more false! Lifting weights has a ton of advantages, and we should all be doing it. It isn’t just for dudes! It increases your lean muscle mass, which in turn boosts metabolism and burns calories. The stronger you are, the more you’ll be burning calories while you’re just sitting on your ass. How awesome does that sound? It also improves your quality of sleep, can help with back pain, and protects you from horrible stuff like osteoporosis.

Don’t believe me? My favorite magazine has some enlightening articles in the subject:

Women’s Health – The Best Strength Training for Women

Women’s Health – Fitness Face Off, Cardio vs. Strength

Exhibit A: My ass. It shrunk a good inch or two this week. And I swear it feels less jiggly. NO JOKE. My pants are fitting better, and it’s because I’ve been focusing on getting stronger. I challenge you to do the same! (Even if its just squeezing your butt cheeks together at red lights. Because, hey…why not?)

Total progress: -7

There were a couple reasons why this wasn’t the best week for me:

1. Something that can be summed up with three letters, and they don’t stand for Pardon My Sweatpants.

2. The classic excuse we all use, I didn’t have time.

I call it an excuse because that’s exactly what it is. Yes, I was busy, but was I really too busy to find 30 minutes in my day SOMEWHERE to get some exercise? No. My regular schedule got turned upside down, and I used it as an excuse. “Oh, I can’t go today…I have to be at this meeting.” Well, I couldn’t go in the morning as usual, but if I had made it a priority, I would have just gone at another time instead. So I only worked out twice this week; my goal is 4-5 times a week.

And also, we all know that keeping good food around the house keeps us from turning to convenience food. Well, I told my myself that I didn’t have time to grocery shop this week. Turns out, that’s not really a valid excuse for me anymore. I just found out that a local grocery store will let me shop for my groceries online and deliver them for a $10.00 fee. (For my Houston peeps, I’m talking about Rice Epicurean Market. They deliver to more zip codes than you think. Details here.)

So, NO MORE EXCUSES! I just have to MAKE the time instead of trying to FIND the time. Because we all know how that works. “Oh, I’ll write that novel when I find the time.” If I had done that, I would still be going around telling people, “Yeah, I want to write someday,” instead of actually doing it.

Oh, and also…this:

The "Boise" from The Burger Guys in Houston

Yeah…that’s a sausage hot dog, wrapped in potato strings, deep fried, on a bun, with onion-bacon jam. I only had three bites, and hubby devoured the rest, but still. That couldn’t have helped things much. It was really pretty, though.

Total: -8

Okay, so you know when, on The Biggest Loser, somebody gets on the scale and only loses a pound, and Bob Harper gets this WTF look on his face, and the contestant starts to cry, “I don’t understand! I worked so hard this week!” and everyone agrees it’s just one of those inexplicable phenomenons of the human body?

Yeah…that’s not what happened this week. I know exactly what happened.

THIS:

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BITCHES!

AND THIS:

That's me finishing off a cheesecake milkshake.

I had an amazing birthday with friends. We went for beer and Greek food, then topped it off with dessert and cocktails. WORTH IT!

Old school photo booth at Katz's. We crammed 5 grown women in there! That's me in the last one, trying to eat my friend's head.

Then, the only thing that could have made my birthday any better happened the next day. I got to meet my Author Crush, John Green!!

It's JOHN GREEN! And (surprise!) I'm making a stupid face.

I got all fan-girly and said something stupid, but he and his brother Hank were SO nice. If you’re not familiar, I suggest you GET familiar. His new book, The Fault in Our Stars debuted on the NYT bestseller list for children’s this week. The book is amazing and filled with humor, irony, and emotion so honest, it makes you feel like you’re naked (no vampires, Mom)*. You guys all know how much I love young adult lit, and this guy is THE BEST there is. He and his brother also make hilarious vlogs. Check out their YouTube channel vlogbrothers.

So, all in all, even though I’m only down a pound (hey, it’s better than nothing!) it was a great week. Now it’s back to work!

* every time I suggest a YA book to my mother, her response is, “I don’t really like all that vampire stuff.” And then I shake her violently.

Deborah Camp (A mix of contemporary and Old West Historical romances)

Dan Streib (thrillers with a James-Bond-meets-Anderson-Cooper main character)

Lorena Dureau (Historical Romance: American Colonial South and West. Very Sexy)

Happy Reading, y’all!

Me: I used to be fat.

Them: Yeah, right.

Me: No. Really. I was huge.

Them: Oh, whatever. You’re not fat.

Me: *takes out iPhone and shows them a picture*

Them: Oh. Yeah, you were.

Me: See? I told you.

Then they start with the slew of questions. How did you do it? How long did it take? Did you ever try South Beach? Did you swallow a tape worm? But the answer is never simple, and I usually leave out some parts for brevity’s sake. So, I thought I’d give everyone the whole story here on this nifty little soap box I’ve built for myself. How convenient. So, how did I get from there to here?

The Before and After

The build up:

It all starts with a boy. Naturally. My senior year of high school, I had this boyfriend. I, of course, wanted to spend every waking moment with him, so I quit all my extra curriculars and spent all my time with him. Of course, there’s more to the story than that…mostly it was that whole senioritis thing. I had it bad. I sustained myself on pizza and Cheetos just like I’d been doing before that. I was never a thin girl, and had a natural tendency to put on weight, so by quitting everything that was keeping me active (I was an athletic trainer and I rode horses) I started gaining weight pretty quickly. By prom, I had gained about twenty pounds. This amazing boyfriend turned out to be my amazing husband, so of course, it was all worth it. The same life-style continued through college and dining halls and pizza at 1 a.m. and half a case of beer per night (What? You never did that?). I was blissfully unaware that I was gaining about thirty pounds a semester. Yes, I said semester. I got fatter and fatter until I walked down the aisle in a size 24 wedding dress.

On my horse, Dezi

In the training room, junior year. I like making stupid faces.

Summer before senior year. I think I'm hilarious.

Senior prom with my amazing boyfriend/future husband

Sophomore year of college. Best speeding ticket, ever.

I'm touching Hank Aaron's ass. Again, I think I'm hilarious.

There's something really important on the ground over there.

The ah-ha moment:

In August of 2005, my friend Elizabeth asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was thrilled to do it for her, as she was one of my best friends (and still is to this day. Shout out to Liz!) The wedding was a blast, and my friends, being as wonderful as they are, told me I looked beautiful in my dress. I didn’t exactly feel beautiful, but I was good at faking it. A few weeks later, we were sitting around in her parent’s living room, watching the video of the ceremony. I leaned in closer to the TV, trying to figure out, Who is that fat girl waddling down the aisle? Yes, waddling. I didn’t even recognize myself. The next day I called 24 hour fitness and got myself a personal trainer. A big dude named Todd who used to be a football player. He was nice and helpful, and I lost a few pounds, but with over 100 to lose, I was feeling discouraged. Then I hurt my knee and gained it all back. A few try/fail attempts at other diets were made…nothing stuck.

Guess which one is me?

Quick! Hide behind the cute little flower girl!

The start of something new:

After a three-hour long breakdown on the bathroom floor (which may or may not have involved me being slightly intoxicated), I decided to call and get more information on weight loss surgery. I went to a seminar and met the doctor and left feeling empowered. I decided that I wanted to get the Lap-Band. My insurance didn’t cover it, so we took out a loan, and made a very expensive investment into my future. I told my close friends and family about it, but it’s not the kind of thing you go around advertising. I also think I was ashamed that I had let myself get big enough to need the surgery in the first place. It’s still not information I give out upon first meeting someone (Hi, I‘m Sharon. I have a Lap-Band – not exactly small talk), but I figured if I was going to write about my journey, I needed to get over that trepidation. Also, things like that tend to define you, and I didn’t want to be known as The Lap-Band Girl.

At first, the Lap-band was like a miracle. I lost about 50 pounds over the next six months. I wasn’t really watching what I was eating, except for sticking to the teeny portions that my stomach could handle (not the case anymore, six years later), and I was not exercising at all. I thought it was a dream come true. Finally, an easy way to lose weight…right? *Just a disclaimer about the Lap-Band: I don’t want to seem like I’m endorsing or promoting. It was a decision that took me a long time to make, and sometimes, even though it helped me, I’m still not sure if it was the right one. It’s only a tool for you to use, not a cure. More on that later.*

Hiccup:

Then we decided to have a baby. My pregnancy with my first child was fine for the most part, other than being sick all the time, but that’s normal. Right? I gained the usual twenty-five pounds, gave birth, and then promptly lost that twenty-five pounds. I went back to the clinic to have my band re-tightened and expected the rest of the weight to come pouring off. I waited, and waited. I waited for seven months, and lost no weight. What happened to my miracle cure? That’s when I decided to take it into my own hands.

Leaving the hospital with my first baby.

A new era:

I got my fat ass up and went to Jazzercise. It was actually fun. Before I knew it, I was hooked. I, the girl who used to eat everything in sight, was now a fitness junkie. I practically lived there. Then I started working there. That place changed my life. I can’t say enough about it, so to make myself shut-up, I’ll just say this: If you’re still looking for a fitness program, give it a try.

The next thing I did was take control of my eating habits. I read this book and followed its teachings like a bible, and I used Weight Watchers online to meticulously track all of the food I ate. I lost 85 pounds over a year doing this.

Winning By Losing by Jillian Michaels

Baby's 1st birthday

"You can't spell awesome without me." Pretty much my motto.

She was 15 months old here, and I was finally at my goal weight!

Another Hiccup:

What better time to have another baby than when I’m finally at my goal weight? This pregnancy went a millions times better than the first. I felt good this time (you know, besides that whole constant aches and pains thing). I felt good enough to eat my weight in food everyday. I gained a bunch of weight with that little booger (70 pounds!! But, who’s counting?) and had to do it all over again.

8 months pregnant with #2

Baby #1 turns 2 years old. Mmmmm...cake!

Big mama.

It took me a good year to lose my weight from #2, but I did it! And check out this amazing man standing by my side the entire time! I couldn’t have done it without him! (Shout out to my hubby! Love you!)

Look! I'm wearing those shorts again!

Finally here! And no more babies to throw me off! I'm gonna stay this thin forever and it's gonna be great!

See, not such a simple story, is it? But, then again, whose is? I wish this was the part where I could say THE END, but, alas, it is not. Keeping weight off is almost as much of a struggle as losing it in the first place, and it turns out that I wasn’t so awesome at it. Now, I’m busy trying to lose the 20 pounds I’ve put back on since that beautiful picture was taken. More on that here.

The kids are 4 and 2 now!

This experience has shaped me so much, that when I sat down to write a novel, it all came pouring out of me. No end to this story…just a guarantee that I’ll still be writing it for the rest of my life, while I try to make the healthiest choices I can. Within limits, of course. You can pry the ice cream out of my cold, dead hands bitches!

Chicken Pot Pie Soup from skinnytaste.com

You can find the recipe here on skinnytaste.com. It’s super simple. I left out the green beans (because I’m five years old), mushrooms (allergic), and used lactose free milk (intolerant. To lactose, not people. I love people. Well…that was awkward.)

I love soup because you can eat the leftovers for days and it still tastes good. Now, if only it wasn’t, like, eighty degrees right now in the freaking middle of January….

Total: -7

Not bad for two weeks! I thought my results would have slowed down a little after the first week, but I thought wrong, I guess! This week, I tried to focus on how much I was eating. I tend to over eat. You know…just sit and nibble at whatever’s on your plate, even though you were already full? I paid attention to the amount I put on my plate, and even more than that, what my stomach was saying to me.

I still had my nightly chocolate fix (Dove dark chocolate with almonds. It’s my novel-writing fuel), and I still ate out this week. I had a burrito bowl at Freebirds (YUM!) and the Pad Thai at Pei Wei (sooooo good). Turns out one order of Pad Thai can feed two people for lunch AND dinner. Score.

Here’s a reminder of typical portion guidelines:

• Vegetables or fruit is about the size of your fist.
• Pasta is about the size of one scoop of ice cream.
• Meat, fish, or poultry is the size of a deck of cards or the size of your palm (minus the fingers).
• Snacks such as pretzels and chips is about the size of a cupped handful.
• Steamed rice is the size of a cupcake wrapper.
• Cheese is the size of a pair of dice or the size of your whole thumb (from the tip to the base).
• And MOST IMPORTANTLY: They consider a serving of wine to be four ounces! (I know, right?) I don’t know who pours themselves a 4 oz glass of wine, so ya’ better watch this one!

Good luck to all of you doing this with me! Let me know how it’s going for you in the comments section. Remember, brutal honesty to the point of embarrassment is my motto, so ask me anything!

Anyway…

My progress this week: -3 pounds 

YAY! I was really pleased with my results this week. Remember, I’m not making any extreme changes. I’m just eating sensibly and working out on a regular basis. Here’s an example of what I’m eating. This is what we’re having for dinner tonight:

Broiled Tilapia with Thai Coconut Curry Sauce from skinnytaste.com

You can find the recipe here. This website has TONS of healthy and delicious recipes.

Here’s how the week went down….

The good: I worked out 4 days last week, and managed to keep the kitchen stocked with healthy food. There are still lots of things I can’t do, but my knee feels stable and pain free.

The bad: I may or may not have had 4 (ok, 6) glasses of wine Tuesday night at book club. (Which also involved a McGuyver moment when the corkscrew broke). And I may or may not have celebrated a dear friend’s birthday with a little Cheesecake Factory on Friday night. (WORTH IT!)

The ugly: On Wednesday morning, I woke up violently ill. I’ll spare you the details, but it was a good several hours next to the toilet. I got all excited when the next day, the scale said I’d lost 5 pounds, but of course that didn’t stick around after I ate a real meal again.

I’m looking forward to stepping it up a little in week 2. My knee is feeling good, so I’m gonna try to push myself little by little to up my intensity. Keep an eye out for another post this week, spilling all the hairy details leading me up to this point (with PLENTY of embarrassing “before” photos)!

I’d like to hear from you guys! Have y’all stuck to your resolutions? Is there anything you’d like me to discuss in the future or any questions? Let me know in the comments section!

Yeah. Me too.

In fact, I’ve done it more times than I can count. And you know what happens every time? After the novelty wears off and my stomach is growling? I sabotage myself. I’ve spent the entire two weeks, while I was guzzling green tea and eating nothing but salad with fat free dressing, thinking about a hot fudge brownie sundae. I think about it until it reaches obsession level in my brain, and then I FREAK OUT and binge on an entire pan of brownies in the kitchen by myself. And then I eat more brownies the next day, followed by more junk I didn’t let myself have during my crazy diet, and all of a sudden, I can’t stop. Then, I gain back all the weight I lost, and usually a little more on top of that.

What? I'm only gonna have one....

Once you’ve driven yourself to extremes one way, it’s not hard at all to find yourself on the other side of that extreme. This is especially true for me, as I have one of those pesky ‘all-or-nothing’ personalties. I have to work hard to find the right balance.

No one can live the rest of their life on a diet. We should begin as we mean to continue on. Which is why, when I set this goal of losing twenty pounds this year (see that post here), I vowed to myself that I would go to NO EXTREMES. Here’s the plan:

I will NOT:

-Go on a crazy diet

-Force myself to eat food that I hate. (I hate green tea. I don’t give a shit how much it’s gonna “boost my metabolism”. It’s gross.)

-Completely eliminate any one food group

-Set any outlandish goals. (Like losing 3+ pounds a week, or running a marathon. Guess what? Not gonna happen.)

-Kill myself in the gym and end up with an injury. (Already have a few, don’t need another. I’m sticking with moderate, low-impact exercise)

-Whine to all my friends every time we’re at a restaurant or a party, “Waaaaah! Poor me! I can’t eat any of this!” (Don’t you hate that girl?)

-Beat myself up if I screw up. (Just get up and get back on that horse!)

What I WILL do:

-I will consume between 1300 and 1600 calories a day of a wide variety of foods. (I’m using MyFitnessPal to track my calories.)

-I will give myself two days a week to inch a little more toward 2,000. (Let myself have ONE small brownie or ONE scoop of ice cream, if that’s what I’m really craving. Thus avoiding the freak-out cycle)

-I will avoid white, refined sugar and grains. (Sticking with whole grains is best, of course.)

-I will exercise 4-5 times a week for 50 minutes. (I’m obsessed with Jazzercise, the perfect combo of strength/cardio, and it’s fun! They happen to be having a big sale, so check it out if you’re so inclined.)

I know that it will take longer this way, but I’m not ON A DIET! I’m trying to make heathy choices a part of my everyday routine. Minus the stomach bug I had this week, (I know, lucky, right?), it’s been a good start. Look for my progress report on Monday! Happy un-dieting, everyone!